


i want blood, guts and chocolate cake, i’m gonna puke it anyway

by petitlionhomme



Series: salvia plath [2]
Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Eating Disorders, M/M, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-13
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-11-17 15:02:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18100865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/petitlionhomme/pseuds/petitlionhomme
Summary: Eiji believes in beauty, or the fucked up version he believes he needs to adhere to.





	i want blood, guts and chocolate cake, i’m gonna puke it anyway

**Author's Note:**

> read the tags; also, the series doesn’t follow a particular order, as seen in the differences between Eiji in this fic and Eiji in the first

What is beauty? Is it putting on makeup and being satisfied with how it made your eyes pop or is it sticking two fingers down your throat and throwing up everything you just ate?

 

Eiji often wanted to know, from the day he’d been told that he’d never be pretty, he wanted to prove that wrong, even if it hurt. He would strip himself of his clothes and stare into the full length mirror in his bathroom, eyes skirting over self-inflicted wounds and bruises with utter distaste.

 

He was _hideous_.

 

At least Ash thought he was beautiful even when his teeth had began to erode to that annoying invisible bone from the amount of stomach acid that had ate through the enamel and when he would wash vomit from the cuts on his fore and middle fingers. His green eyes would dull a little though, like he was trying to cope with it. Those nights, he’d hold Eiji so tight that he couldn’t squirm out of his arms and he was forced to rest.

 

And he sounded different when he spoke, when he would watch Eiji purge and purge only to throw it back up.

 

“You should stop,” He would whisper when he was stroking his back as he vomited. “I don’t want to put you in the ground too.” Eiji would never respond, not that he could to begin with, but it was easier to feel his throat begin to blister than to tell Ash that, just like the cutting and the smoking and the drinking, he couldn’t just stop.

 

It had become an addiction.

 

—

“Here, have some cake.” Ash slid a small, measly slice of cake in his direction, smiling at his lover and best friend with what he hoped was an encouraging smile. He felt sad when he saw haw small Eiji had gotten, how his clothes barely even fit him anymore, hanging limply from his form. He hated having sex with him now, he didn’t want to break him.

 

He didn’t want to hurt Eiji anymore than he already had.

 

Ash knew that he and Eiji weren’t okay, they weren’t that deluded but Ash couldn’t stand to see this. He could watch Eiji cut himself and fuck other guys when the money for drugs was low but to witness him quite literally dying in front of him was too much to handle.

 

“Hey, I gotta take this call, I’ll be right back.” He’d be lucky if Eiji even prodded at the chocolate cake, but it was easy to assume he’d at eat a crumb.

 

Something.

 

Anything.

 

Ash climbed the stairs and went to Eiji’s mom’s room, closing the door behind himself. Eiji’s mom didn’t care about him, he knew that as well as Eiji did but even he was disgusted at how easily she turned a blind eye to Eiji decaying in front of her.

 

Now, Ash didn’t know a lot about bulimia and any of the affects of it but, even he knew that as he called the ambulance, it definitely counted as an emergency.

 

—

 

“What took you so long?” Eiji asked when Ash had came downstairs. The cake was gone, the whole cake and not just the slice Eiji had been given and he wondered briefly if he wasn’t getting sick because he’s thrown it up already. “They needed the address. Eiji, I- I have something to tell you, and I really want you to listen to me- I mean really listen, okay?” His boyfriend nodded slowly and Ash placed a hand over Eiji’s scarred one. “I called the hospital, they’re sending an ambulance and-“

 

Eiji looked confused before it seemed to dawn on him what Ash was talking about and his eyes narrowed into a glare. The emotions hit him hard. Anger, sadness and confusion filled his head and chest and he wanted to scream and cry, but.. He settled on anger.

 

“Why the fuck would you do that?”

 

“You’re dying Eiji!” Ash snapped, tired eyes harshly glaring back at him. “I know you don’t care but I do- I don’t want anyone else I love to fucking die, alright?” He wasn’t crying, but his eyes had began growing red and he looked on the verge of it any minute.

 

“I’m not sorry. You’re gonna get help, okay? I don’t- I don’t know how this works but I just want you to be okay. Like, really okay.” The blond was crying now, eyes downcast as he sobbed softly.

 

Eiji had seen Ash cry many times, different tears and different emotions but he’d never seen him so distraught, so strung out on his pain. The anger diminished a little, but it still burned hotly. “You..” He didn’t finish as he heard the ambulance, his face paled a little.

 

“I don’t want to go.”

 

“I know, I know.”

 

Eiji stared at Ash, the watching him as he stood up and he walked to the door, opening it for the men to come in.

 

He’d never felt so betrayed.

 

Never felt so cared for or loved.

 


End file.
